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“You Know You’re from Victoria When…”

Victoria County Courthouse
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The question came up around the office recently about how you know where you come from. You may have been born in another city or another state but does that actually mean you’re from that locale? What if your parents moved from the city you were born in before you were old enough to even remember it? Wouldn’t the city you grew up in, the one that determined what type of person you would be when you became an adult, be the city you’re from?

 

As always, we didn’t feel comfortable keeping our debate to ourselves and decided to share it with our readers. Below you’ll find a list of 20 definitive items that will help you determine if you’re from Victoria. Answer yes to one and you won’t have to wonder anymore.

“You Know You’re from Victoria When…”

…you know “shaking hands with Brother Moses” is actually not a euphemism for masturbation.

…Pepper isn’t just a seasoning but a local “celebrity”.

…saying “Bring your Boots” can start a fistfight.

…if you’ve ever mistaken a dancer from the one strip club in town for an Alcatraz escapee.

…you own a business and the building it’s in and you can’t smoke in it.

…there are more Chinese restaurants than actual people from China.

…the city decides to install a red light on the Loop.

…you only dress up for weddings, funerals, and the Olive Garden.

…there is more construction on streets than there are actual streets.

…you make a distinction between grocery stores you’re going to based on how fluent you are in Spanish.

…it’s 65 degrees outside and you bundle up your kid like they go to school in Antartica.

…you’re actually curious to learn a new recipe for Thanksgiving that involves deep frying a turkey.

…one of the major reasons you leave town is to go to a Buc-ees.

…your neighbor is on parole, elderly, sanity “impaired” or a combination of all three.

…you can drive four hours in any direction but east and still be in the State of Texas. Drive east for four hours and you either own a submarine or a boat. Congratulations, moneybags.

…a drizzle turns every street here into a scene from “Death Race“.

…you’re dating someone for a week or two and they mention they may have dated your dad.

…you’re reading this list on a dial-up connection.

…you’ve had a pet killed by fire ants, alligators, and/or a chupacabra.

Contributors: Adam West, Amory Gritta, Harley Myles, Joe Bob Burris

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