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World’s Horniest Man Has His $6,500 Adult Video Collection Stolen

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Stolen porn — two words that can send shivers down the spine of any red-blooded man.

A Muskegon, Michigan man who claims to own “one of the largest porn collections” in the state says his stash was stolen earlier this week from his home. Poor guy, although the fact that his bundle of erotica was taken isn’t nearly as interesting as the fact he seems to know it’s one of the biggest collections in Michigan. Does he go from town to town comparing? Actually, it’s probably better we don’t know.

The man, who, for reasons that are painfully obvious, remains unidentified. He told authorities his collection is worth $6,500, which means he owns a lot of VHS copies of the ‘Gangbang Girl’ series (yeah, it’s real, look it up).

The man and another person who lives in the residence – gee, you think that lucky soul gets annoyed when the floors are sticky?– came home to discover someone had kicked in a back door (back door? No irony there!) and made off with the X-rated goodies, as well as three flat-screen TVs.

It’s not exactly clear whether the parade o’porn included magazines, DVDs or other forms of media, but, really, does it even matter?

Authorities have yet to name a suspect, but may we recommend any 16-year-old boy who lives within a 20-mile radius?

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