hot mess of the day

Name: Allie the Asphyxiator (pictured right) Location: The 'special accommodations needed' aisle on the airplane. Occupation: Paperweight.

Name: Hurricane Sandy Location: Atlantic City, NJ (UPDATED: Floating on a large piece of boardwalk, just off-shore)

Name: Prodigy Pat Location: Hartford, CT Occupation: By day: Janitor at Hartford High School. By night: "Google Gatekeeper" at the Internet Nucleus Worldwide HQ, A.K.A. the Hartford HS computer lab, where he also lives, "for right now...

Name: Terry The Teet Location: Newcastle, England Occupation: Canine wet nurse. Hobbies: Sudoku, erotic lactation. 5 Things She Can’t Live Without: Prenatal vitamins, trips to the pound, a portable pump, lollipops, and religion...

Name: Darryl Droppings, "The Pied Piper of Flying Rats" Location: Washington Square Park, Manhattan Occupation: Professional spectacle. Hobbies: Making new friends and "sending messages to them." (Unfortunately, these birds are not trained to deliver messages, so all correspondence has gone unanswered thus far...

Name: Nana Necktats Location: Hell's Kitchen, NY Occupations: Walmart greeter and prescription drug mule (primarily Cialis). Hobbies:  Knitting, doom metal, baking with the grandkiddies, vandalism, collecting precious moments figurines, smashing precious moments figurines under her steel-toe combat boots...

Name: Tabitha Tubesock Location: Palm Springs, Florida Occupation: Collections agent for Columbia House, on the overnight shift. Hobbies:Dumpster divin', extreme coupon-in' and stayin' up all night. 6 Things I Can’t Live Without: Truck stop diners, podcasts, eyeliner, Wild Cherry Pepsi, industrial work gloves, and Virginia Slims...

Names: Vulture and Pancake Marianelliolo-Manicotti-Stugots Location: Deer Park, Long Island Occupations: Tag-team duo of the Strong Island Gladiators, a local copycat league of the early 1990's TV show 'American Gladiators.' Matches are held every Friday at 8pm in the West Gymnasium of St...

Name: Peaches N' Creamy (Shown above in reverse order) Location: "Vegas. Well, a suburb of Vegas, temporarily." Occupation: Freelance entertainment duo. Peaches is also a part-time counselor at Kiddie Tots Afterschool Play Emporium Timez...

Name: Larry Lechuga Location: Just outside the fence at Disney's Epcot Center. Occupation: Produce distributor and hug philanthropist. Spends His Free Time: Scaring the ever-loving guts out of everyone he meets. Interests: Face painting, his vintage Doc Martin collection, vegetarianism and free love...

Name: Bend Her Occupation: Human chair Interests: Gumby, Stretch Armstrong, pottery, flubber, Robert Patrick in Terminator 2: Judgment Day, Mister Fantastic from the Fantastic Four. I absolutely HATE pilates and yoga. Hobbies: Pole dancing, lap dancing, no pants dancing, cheerleading, gymnastics, inventing new positions for the next edition of the Kama Sutra ...