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Dumb Criminals

Dumb Criminals

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Pete Prodoehl, flickr
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Clerk Foils Robbery by Being on the Phone

The clerk at the Sheridan Mini Mart in East Bremerton, Washington probably isn't the world's greatest employee. In fact, when a woman came into the store at 10 PM Thursday night the slacker-in-question wouldn't stop talking on his phone as she tried to grab his attention. His conversation was so engrossing that he didn't even care that she had a gun.

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Photo courtesy Volusia County Jail
Photo courtesy Volusia County Jail
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Homeless Man Tries to Use Found Credit Card for Pedicure

Imagine this. You're homeless. You're walking down the street minding your own business, when suddenly you spot something on the ground that catches your eye. You move closer so you can positively identify what it is, and yep, sure enough, it's a credit card. Your mind races thinking of what you could do with it. You could turn it in to police. You could try to use it to buy food. You could use it to buy some clothes, or perhaps some shelter. Nah, that might actually make some sense.

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Tru TV
Tru TV
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Stupid Criminal Robs Banks With Note Written on Personal Check [VIDEO]

Looks like we have a brand new candidate for dumbest criminal ever.

Patrick Johnson robbed two banks in the Ocala, FL area in one day. The thief had the presence of mind to change his wardrobe  between his crimes, but his method of sticking up the banks — a note stating he had a gun — was the same both times. 

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The Smoking Gun
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Lousiana Man Arrested Wearing Skimpy Thong Outside Baptist Church

How far would you go for a bet? What crazy activity would you take part in? Would you eat something disgusting? Do something embarrassing  like, oh I don't know, wear a skimpy pink thong while dancing around out side a Baptist church? And, how much would you do it for? $50? $100? How about $300?

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Dumbass Newlyweds
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Newlywed Couple Steals Food for Reception, Ranks as Dumbasses of the Day

Marriage. When a couple in love makes a sacred vow to love, honor, and cherish each other for the rest of their lives. The Wedding reception. A celebration of the event with friends and family. But when the loving couple tries to shoplift over $1,000 worth of merchandise for the reception, the marriage is probably not getting off on the right foot.

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Photo Courtesy Lee County Jail
Photo Courtesy Lee County Jail
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Suspect Chased Down by Deputy on a Golf Cart

Is that embarrassing, or what? I mean what are you going to say to your cell mates, "yeah, I was chased down by a cop on a golf cart?! " That's the way it goes for 25 yr old Jeremiah Ellarius Haynes, who was running from police in Florida.  Haynes, who was wanted on battery charges, led police on a 1.8 mile chase before he was caught.

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Justin Sullivan, Getty Images
Justin Sullivan, Getty Images
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Grandma’s Bacon Beef Hoses Grandson

Mmmm...bacon. Delicious, mouth-watering bacon. Okay, I know it's pretty popular. It seems like it's on everything these days, right? I like it okay, but its not at the top of my list of must-haves, especially since the doctor told me I need to watch my cholesterol. But for a 9 yr old Pennsylvania boy, a beef over bacon was what sent his grandmother to jail.

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Smithsonian Institution
Smithsonian Institution
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The Carjacker from Another Dimension

I love weird news stories, you know the kind of stories where people aren't exactly the sharpest tool in the shed. I ran across this one while perusing newspapers from around this great nation of ours, and it made me chuckle. Dateline: Portsmouth, New Hampshire. A convicted felon is being held on $25,000 cash bail for allegedly carjacking a woman, along with other charges including receiving stolen property,  driving while intoxicated, and disobeying a police officer.  During his arraignment, Douglas Ellison said he was from the '5th dimension'.

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"Look at the newbie coming our way, fellas! He's gotta purdy, little mouth"
Getty Images
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Stupid Criminal. I Mean, Really Stupid.

Bruce Manlove.

I repeat, Bruce Manlove.

Think this guy is gonna have some trouble doing hard time with a name like that? The clerk that was robbed was lucky he didn't get "Sea-Bassed" in the men's room. Read below.

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Flicker.com/Nevada Tumbleweed
Flicker.com/Nevada Tumbleweed
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Art Linkletter Was Right-Kids Do Say The Darndest Things!

It's true! Just ask 22 yr old Johnisha Terry of Austin, TX who was talking to a Police Officer in Austin about some outstanding warrants. According to a report, she began acting a little suspicious, and eventually her 3 yr old son asked Police if they had "found his mom's weed."

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A Local Werewolf Eats the Human ear of a missing Inmate at the Victoria Jail.
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Victoria : Dumb Criminals ?

I know Victoria is more known for it's #2 national ranking in murders per capita. We focus on our violent crime here in South Texas. I guess criminals here have their priorities straight. Go ahead. Blame on all on "gang activity".

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Getty Images Europe
Getty Images Europe
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Karma is Awesome!

Isn't it great when some fool is trying to do something wrong, and they end up getting bitten in the buttocks for it? Like in the movies, or on television. We all cheer when they get theirs, right? So it went for a guy in England.

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