5 Ridiculous Drinking Myths…..Debunked!
Considering that booze is one of the pillars of human civilization, it’s kind of shocking how little we actually know about it….No, it’s really not that shocking.
So, before you get too drunk to read this, let’s knock down a few more common myths….such as:
The Myth: Beer Gives You A Beer Gut
It’s every beer drinker’s unavoidable fate: the beer gut. The proof is all around us — we all have at least one friend or family member who perennially looks like they’re pregnant, regardless of their actual state of fertility or, for that matter, gender. And you, too, will get that nice round gut by middle age if you partake regularly.
The beer gut doesn’t exist. Or rather, that massive mound you insist on calling your “one-pack” has nothing to do with actual beer consumption. Says who? Says science.
The Myth: Absinthe is a Hallucinogen
Absinthe is an intense hallucinogenic liquor once favored by artists such as Ernest Hemingway, Edgar Degas and Vincent Van Gogh. Concocted from wormwood and fever dreams, it’s closer to doing drugs than doing most actual drugs. That’s why it’s been banned in so many countries, obviously.
The Myth: American Beer is Weaker Than Import Beer
American beer pretty much amounts to what you pee out after you’ve drunk some actual beer. That’s right, the American lagers (Bud, Miller Lite, you know the ones) that Americans tend to prefer are way, way weaker than their foreign counterparts.
The myth behind American beer being weak as piss stems from the fact that most countries measure beer alcohol percentage by volume. The U.S., continuing our proud tradition of shunning the rest of the world’s measuring systems (just like that metric system bullshit), has traditionally measured alcohol exclusively by weight instead.
Sadly, as reputations go, this proved to be American beer’s undoing: When measuring alcohol by weight, each and every American beer ended up displaying a smaller alcohol percentage on the label than its foreign counterparts.
And despite the fact that U.S. breweries are now shying away from the traditional “alcohol by weight” system and embracing the “Screw this, we’ll do what everyone else is doing” system, they’re still fighting an uphill battle against the ingrained idea that American beer is weaker than the real beer the rest of the world brews.
The Myth: Drinking a Nightcap Will Help You Sleep Better.
Ah, the nightcap. The quiet, dignified drink before bed, sipped in a smoking jacket while relaxing next to a fireplace, if old magazine ads are to be believed. Regardless of how you spent your day, a nice relaxing drink before bed will ease you right into dreamland …
… and then you’ll wake right up a few hours later, feeling like hammered crap. Yes, if you think a nightcap is going to help you to get a good full night’s sleep, you’re in for a surprise. As in, “It’s three freaking a.m. and you’re wide freaking awake! Surprise!”
For the first few hours, your body will be busy metabolizing the alcohol, so you can look forward to a deep sleep for the first half of the night while your body is otherwise occupied. However, once it’s finished doing that, your body’s going to turn its attention back to you. And man, is it going to be pissed.
The Myth: There is No Cure for a Hangover
Every college kid swears by some bullshit hangover cure he got from his older brother, and none of them work. That’s not just hard experience talking, but also the conclusion of the British Medical Journal. Back in 2005, they released the results of a massive survey into the effectiveness of various “cures” and categorically stated that, no matter how much you might swear by slathering yourself in tomato juice and wrapping your head in plastic wrap, nothing works.
It turns out that there is a cure, and a wondrous one at that: the bacon sandwich. And no, as far as we’re aware this isn’t some marketing team-up between the world’s breweries and pork farmers — there’s totally legit science involved.
Those findings were the result of British-led research that came just a few years after the British-led research that said there was no such thing as a hangover cure, leading us to assume that the Brits, being the world’s most hungover people, are simply desperate for a cure.
It turns out that the hangover-slaying superpowers of the bacon sandwich are a happy accident of its two constituent ingredients, bacon and bread. The bread is loaded with carbohydrates, while the bacon is full of protein that the body breaks down into amino acids, an important player in your body’s overall level of feelgoodness. And while we’ve shown you before that drinking doesn’t kill your brain cells, booze does cause you to lose neurotransmitters, i.e., those chemicals in your brain that allow you to do things like think and breathe and control your innate desire to dance the sexiest version of the robot possible. But the amino-rich wonder-food that is bacon tops those right back up, helping to clear up that feeling that gremlins came in the middle of the night and replaced your brain with a pincushion.
So there you have it. Just when you thought you knew everything about binge drinking someone, namely the Brits, come right back and prove you wrong. So bear these things in mind next time you gear up for a night on the town and just in time for the Victoria Pub Crawl….You’re welcome.