Give the Gift of Girth With a 3D Replica of Your Giggle Stick

You know how us dames are always telling you that we wish we could cast your manhood in bronze and carry it with us in our purse, so we'd accidentally wrap our hands around it while we were looking for our keys and grin, mischievously? No? I'm sorry, that must be a sore spot for you.

Regardless, our days of wishin' and hopin' are over; a company called 3DEA has made it possible for you to create an exact replica of your junk, using 3D printing technology and some silicone. That's right, the same material that sex toys are made out of. Now you're with me.

How it works: Make an appointment at the 3DEA Pop Up booth at the Eventi hotel in New York (appointments are available on December 3rd and 10th). In a curtained-off area, professional 'Hard-isans' (not their actual title) will get all of the information they need from you, through what we assume is a fully-clothed interview about your childhood. They send that info off to the New York Toy Collective who creates an exact 3D rod replica, down to the skin tone.

When it arrives in the mail, you might be tempted to keep it on your mantle as an object of pride, but if I may: this is a very special stocking stuffer, for a very special stocking? That you like stuffing? Ugh, sorry.